Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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