i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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