White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
