How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
