I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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