Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
