xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
