Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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