A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
