My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
