ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
