the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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