She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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