Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
