So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
