you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fill condoms, not promises.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
