i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
