You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
