Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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