my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
