We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
