I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
