Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
