Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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