I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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