May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
