I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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