STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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