I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
