i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
