Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
