is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
