who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
