is your mom at the bar?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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