So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
