Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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