Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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