Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
