I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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