I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
