I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
