it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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