Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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