all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
