Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize