I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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