PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
