Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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