the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
