dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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