you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
