I can tuck mytits in my pants
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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