so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
