Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
