YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
