i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
