the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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