first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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