i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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