Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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