I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize