I heard we made out
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
