dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
