you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
