when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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